Why does love literally make us crazy?
The science of love absolutely fascinates me. How can it not fascinate most people? Can science understand how we fall in love? Why we fall in love? Who we fall in love with? While I do believe there is some magic when you find "that person" who shares your interests, goals, future aspirations and makes your heart feel like it's on speed...as a scientist...I know that there's more to it than just that magic. There's something chemical, primal even.
In an article about addiction of love, I read the following:
"In 2000, Andreas Bartels and Semir Zeki of University College, London, located the areas of the brain activated by romantic love. They took students who said they were madly in love, put them into a brain scanner, and looked at their patterns of brain activity. The results were surprising. For a start, a relatively small area of the human brain is active in love, compared with that involved in, say, ordinary friendship. “It is fascinating to reflect”, the pair conclude, “that the face that launched a thousand ships should have done so through such a limited expanse of cortex.” The second surprise was that the brain areas active in love are different from the areas activated in other emotional states, such as fear and anger. Parts of the brain that are love-bitten include the one responsible for gut feelings, and the ones which generate the euphoria induced by drugs such as cocaine. So the brains of people deeply in love do not look like those of people experiencing strong emotions, but instead like those of people snorting coke. Love, in other words, uses the neural mechanisms that are activated during the process of addiction. “We are literally addicted to love,” Dr Young observes." So essentially - love is an addiction. Now I know most people reading this are going "Um, yeah, why else would a guy spend ten hours coming up with the perfect Valentines' Day gift to impress someone all his friends deem a real bitch?" but think about it - do we really think about love as an addiction like we do drugs? Of course not, because it's the way we bond and reproduce the species. But if it has the same chemical effect on the brain - makes us act in ways that we might not otherwise act...why don't we take it more seriously as an addiction?
I know so many people who are addicted to being in love. That rush, the intoxication of knowing that even if only for a few months, you are the center of someone else's life...that's certainly something to get addicted to. I'm not saying it's wrong. I love love! But it's just something to think about. Some people crave it so bad they will be with people who treat them horribly, who are outwardly just bad people or they will hook up with someone they barely know and jump in with both feet into the deep end of the pool. That part is hard for me to understand. The part where people stay in bad relationships, or trust their hearts to a stranger. Why do we risk that just for a little feeling of euphoria? Why do we take those leaps when 99% of the time those fail? Is the feeling, the addiction really that strong?
I know I write about love - real love. I also write about lust and relationships that seem like love, but aren't. It's one of the things I love best about writing. It's the passion, the hate people feel when they love someone so much they don't know what to do without them. Two of my characters in one of my books love each other so much that it turns almost into hate. It's so fun to write. I love writing about love because I get to experience it, but it's at a distance, because it's my characters, it's not me. Sometimes it sucks, when I feel it, but there's no one there for me to express that love to, but other times, it's cool because I get to express it in words and preserve it that way. I get to write about love in a way that hopefully makes readers drift into it for just a few minutes...get to disappear. So in that instance, love, the addiction, is great for an escape.
Personally, I firmly believe men do not fall in love as deeply as women do. Sorry guys, just a personal belief based on observation. Not saying guys don't fall in love - I think they do - just not to the extent women do. Again, scientifically it makes sense why, and I won't go into a whole explanation, but essentially, women from Day 1 of our existence needed men to be able to survive while carrying a child to term. Before commercialization and cheeseburgers a drive-thru away, women couldn't gather enough net calories to sustain themselves and child without a partner. MEN on the other hand...well, their work really is done in 15 minutes. So biologically, it makes perfect sense that women develop stronger attachment. But why aren't women more aware of this fact? Why don't women take their feelings of utter rapture they feel over a guy they barely know as maybe just a rush of chemicals? I know it'd save a lot of heartache. Guys, feel free to weigh-in on this subject because I don't understand your side of the coin on this. Because I have known people who are literally perfect for one another, the girl is all in, and the guy is like..."eh". I've seen it more than once as the observer of my friends and acquaintances that I am.
Now, to be fair to the above paragraph...sometimes girls see perfection that isn't there. Actually, girls FREQUENTLY see perfection where there isn't any. That I can attest to. Been there. Done that. You feel completely stupid when reality finally snaps in front of your face and you can see the flaws through the perfect glitter that has been clouding your eyes, but for some reason, when you're in that mode...all the little fuck-ups seem to disappear and the one GREAT thing, that gets a damn spotlight. Again, I've been there and I can't explain it because I consider myself of at least average intelligence, and thus feel I should be immune to such stupidity. But I'm not. Rush of chemicals. That's what it has to be.
I'm not entirely sure what the point of this post is, but I think I'm just searching for answers about love and attraction right now. It's something I am fascinated by because I see it all around me, yet I can't fully understand it. It's one of the few mysteries in life - at least for me. I feel like even if you've been really in LOVE (not just in LUST or ATTRACTION, but LOVE), I think it's still a mystery. I've seen people in my life do incredibly stupid things because they claim "I was in love" as if that absolves them of any responsibility. Given that the chemical receptors in the brain light up the same way they do when you're on drugs...makes some sense...but still. I don't understand why people make sure huge, radical mistakes, sacrifice so much of their lives, give up hopes and dreams....for love that doesn't work out! For someone you KNOW is love of your life, someone who is there no matter how bad things get and someone who you've never had any real concern that they would leave...I get that. I'd go to the ends of the Earth for someone I loved like that. But when that person you're in love with has hurt you, destroyed you, left you emotionally bleeding on the sidewalk as they walk by smiling...how you can give up so much of your life for THAT person...that I don't understand. And I never will.
I hope this didn't come across as pessimistic about love. It's not meant to be that. It's meant to search for understanding. I'm trying to find answers. I'm trying to find real, honest love. Not just stupid relationships. Real, honest to God, love. Because that's not something I have right now - it's something few people, I think, ever really have - I love learning and trying to understand it. Sure, I can experience these great relationships that maybe will turn into love...but for the moment, I'm without it. I'm trying to understand. Which I guess makes me an optimist about it - because at least I don't think love is a myth.
So help me understand. Leave me your love experiences, comments, etc.
Live. Laugh and Above All, Love.
