Your past is a very funny thing. It can have such an amazing impact on your life, you either had control over it or not, it jumps up and surprises you at the most unpredictable moments and it stirs emotions you can't help but experience. What's so amusing about it, like a puppet dancing in the back of your mind, is how it continues to interrupt your life, even when you don't want it to or don't think you need it to. But if you have any faith in the universe, a deity or some sort of higher power, everything has a purpose - so the past jumping up at unpredictable times is supposed to be for some purpose...right?
Your past is just that - something that happened to you long ago (or sometimes not so long ago) that shapes who you are. You can't hide from your past - countless movies, quotes by people far more intelligent than I, and allegories have told us that from the very beginning, yet most of us continue to believe we can hide from what we've done, where we came from. While not always the goal, a lot of have just fine, average pasts, most people think there's at least something in our past we need to hide from. Is it the emotional pull of a love that slipped through your fingers in a memory that flashes across your mind, stirring those places deep inside you that you thought had gone dormant? Is it the scar from a slap across your face you took - a slap that stung so bad you finally understood the nervous system that your biology teacher had been trying to ram down your throat since middle school? Is it the the time you denied your moral compass and enjoyed a blissful moment of sheer power and what we would call 'evil'? Is it the lack of remorse for defying social norms and living on the dark side for a sweet taste of the addicting nature of power? There's always something to hide from.
Is hiding the best thing to do though? Even though the dark parts of our past might be hard to feel, hard to relive and sometimes bring emotions back that you wanted buried away...they're there for a reason. They're there to make us remember that at the core, we are human, here to feel and most importantly, to experience life. You ask what the meaning of life is? I think it's experience. Bad, good, in between. Whatever, just experience. No labels, no fear of how you'll fear tomorrow. Experience. Because at the end of the day, if you ever lose the ability to feel - and trust me, that's a very easy reality to slip into - it's those memories of what it's like to feel that give you hope. The feeling of his hand sliding down your extended fist, down your arm to your elbow on that cold night, just on the cusp of adulthood, when for the first time you had someone look you in the eyes and absolutely, without denial, invest in you. The feeling of comfort when you fell asleep to a voice on the other end of the phone that was all you needed to feel at peace - all either of you needed to feel. The moment when you knew someone you love has an undeniable darkness inside of them that you can't avoid, but realize you can still love them. The snap you have when a chord, a single voice breaks through the monotony of your existence and for just a second...you feel something. It's small, nothing more than a twinge for most, but for you, it's everything because it's something.
That's what the past does that's so beautiful and funny, like a lost friend that calls you at the exact moment you need them. It's there for you, remind you of where you've come and how far you've come. It's there to bring peace to your mind if that's what you are in need of. So when you want to escape your past - ask yourself why. When it's there to remind you of why you're alive and how far you've come, embrace it. Experience it.
Live, Laugh and Above All, Love.
