One thing that I always find interesting is the way people drift in and out of other peoples' lives. I try to maintain relationships, make sure that I stay with them as long as I can...but then I stop and wonder about some relationships in my life. As I've grown and matured, I had to realize that some friendships, some relationships, were not worth keeping around. Simply not worth the effort it was taking to maintain them. Yet, why is it, that even when relationships drain you and become even toxic at times to your mental health...it's so hard to break away from that. Why do we cling so hard to the past with people who have changed? We all grow, learn and adapt...so why is letting go of those people who were part of your life when you were a different person so challenging? I, for one, feel that I am only continuing to become a better person. I don't long for the person I was in the past, yet I've found myself recently having to let relationships go that I have held on to for far too long...yet even now, releasing that grip, it's easy. It's like sitting in the waves at the beach, holding on to a board and finally letting it go and drift into the sea. When I'm finally able to release, I still want to run into the waves and swim like hell to grab back on to it as I watch it drift out until there's nothing left but waves and the sky.
I think part of the reason I've clinged to relationships that I've known have been truly dead for years is some sense of connection to a younger self. Like losing those friendships will somehow end my early years in life...when really, I don't want to hold on to those anyway. I don't want to sit in high school anymore, or in the cafeteria during middle school and gossip about Backstreet Boys. I want to go to bars, dance, have a career, meet interesting people and find my great love. So why is letting go so damn hard? Maybe there's still a part of us that's scared to let go. Will we find friends that fill the void they left behind? Did they even leave a void? I know for some of my experiences, I'm left healing a void rather than creating one by just letting go. By embracing the new and trusting that things will be okay...I heal and recover from the damage created by the person I was and the people I had in my life.
I see so many people doing "facebook purges" recently and I wonder if cutting those ties is as hard for them as it is for me. I've done purges, but rarely announce it. For me, it's something I have a hard time being happy about. I think it's a positive, but not exactly something I want to announce. It's clicking to confirm that a person is no longer relevant in my life. It means I've grown, I've changed, I've adapted. But that isn't comforting for me when I click Remove....
Just something to think about next time you think about a long lost friend or go through a facebook purge. It's likely a good thing - a reawakening in yourself and realizing you've got so much life ahead...but it can also be sad and scary. Just make sure you're only losing the ones that are toxic and pulling the positives back into your life rather than losing them to the abyss along with the bad. Sometimes those positives from the past can be exactly what you need to become the new person you're supposed to grow into today. :)
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